i'm starting to wonder whether or not i'm becoming a crazy cat lady.
what, exactly, constitutes a crazy cat lady? is it owning eight or more cats? is it owning one cat, but dressing it up in outfits and allowing it to eat from your dinner plate? this charicature of a pet-owner... why is it a woman? why isn't there a word for a dude who is obsessed with his dogs? hmmm... things to think about.
i've noticed something about living alone. i talk to my cats. like a lot. in the past, and my old friends will vouch for this, i used a cat voice. i must've sounded pretty goofy, because i was constantly receiving requests to "talk in your cat voice, lacy". in the past few months, i haven't been using my cat voice. quite the contrary- i'm conversing with my cats as though they are mini housemates. human beings, in fact. their names are henry and mona. they are little people.
does this make me crazy? i mean, i don't ask them for life advice or anything. it's not like i come home and tell them about my day. i do, however, ask them what they're doing. i ask them if they're hungry, or tired, or thirsty. i tell them to go lay down, or to come sit on my lap, or to stop sharpening their claws on my vinyl collection.
living alone does have it's lonely moments. if i didn't have my cats waiting for me every day, i think i would spend a lot less time at home. they tear up the carpet, and i hate cleaning their litter box, but- they're little creatures. and they really do fill my life with an unconditional love that is unavoidable and kinda perfect.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
you better think about it baby.
a knock on my front window today.
it was earl, the trailer court manager.
my first noise complaint!!!
apparently, one of my neighbors doesn't think it's kosher to rock-n-roll at 3 am. earl's suggestion is that i put headphones on if i require loud music. i suppose i should buy a second pair, considering loud music at that hour usually means a two person dance party is happening in the living room.
i just got the funniest picture in my mind.
that will never happen.
i guess it's time to keep the windows closed?
it was earl, the trailer court manager.
my first noise complaint!!!
apparently, one of my neighbors doesn't think it's kosher to rock-n-roll at 3 am. earl's suggestion is that i put headphones on if i require loud music. i suppose i should buy a second pair, considering loud music at that hour usually means a two person dance party is happening in the living room.
i just got the funniest picture in my mind.
that will never happen.
i guess it's time to keep the windows closed?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
slicing up eyeballs,
in the six or so weeks since the move here, i had yet to take a slow and deliberate stroll around the court until today. it was time to really take a look at what people are putting in their 10X5 feet of space we call the "front yard". the sun was shining, people were out in their "yard", and it seemed like the perfect thing to do. sunlight lends itself nicely to the little nuances we don't always see in this gray-ass city.
for starters, i decided i had better take a note book along for the ride. i couldn't figure out how to be sneaky about it. i already look like the court freak with my mostly black wardrobe, which happens to be the same color of the smoke monsters pouring out of my tail pipe every time i pull into my driveway. would i tell someone, should they ask, that i prefer to write in my journal while walking? that most of my inspiration technique is the "walk 5 steps, stop, write, repeat" method? you know, right? my muse is the fresh air, dude.
not gonna work.
the first thing i decided to do was put on a more appropriate outfit. i chose blue sweatpants, red slip-on shoes, and a puffy ski jacket with aforementioned colors. i know! i'll dress like a patriot! perfect.
throwing caution into the wind, i set out into the sunshine hoping people would just pass me off as a crazy person and ignore me. it mostly worked, except that i did pass kathy (smoking a cigarette of course) by the recycling bins. the weather was discussed, and i found out she grows strawberries, magnolias, and fern trees in her "back yard". apparently the folks on the other side of the street have space to do this, which is so not the case on my side. a fucking bonzai tree wouldn't even fit back there.
anyway, i figured listing some of the things i noticed in people's yards would be the best way to describe my walk. i wasn't able to get much considering people might wonder why a spaced-out person wearing way too much blue and red was eyeballing their shit. there are 29 trailers total, and i live in #8. here goes...
#1. vacancy. single wide.
#2. tiny xmas tree with lights.
#3. ceramic chimpanzee holding a banana
6 ceramic squirrels
xmas wreath
#4. ceramic squirrel (another one?!)
#5. blah. boring.
#6. two plastic deer, both turned on their sides- one is decapitated, head next to it
gold cherub fountain
"killer schnauzer on duty" sign
#7. cement plack that reads "if tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, i'd walk
right up to heaven and bring you home again" (perfect for when the killer dog next door
murders your loved one, randy?)
5 windchimes
#8. 8 tiny reindeer (when in rome)
#9. 2 plastic geese
#10. potted pine tree
#11. meh. nothin.
#12. potted pine tree
#13. boring.
#14. "my cat lets me live here" sign
#15. 6 hanging plants
wooden goose plant holder
#16. shit loads of potted fake sunflowers
#17. hot black motorcycle (who are you??)
#18. floor to ceiling plexi-glass front porch
#19. sign with a demonic, grinning bulldog that reads: "neighborhood pub and eatery. where
the drinks are cold and the food is fierce" (hi. i'm lacy. can i come over for dinner?)
#20. xmas icicle lights
#21. 20-25 feet of xmas garland, red bows, and bells.
13 wind chimes
american flag
#22. american flag ( probably this corner would appreciate my outfit the most)
#23. potted ceramic magic mushroom
lady bug flag that says "happy spring" (kathy. probably an ashtray on the porch too)
#24. antenna on roof. looks just like the one in 'back to the future'
#25. 2 potted pine trees (same landscaper as #'s 10 and 12)
#26. vacancy. double wide.
#27. wooden geese.
#28. 9 brightly painted rocks
flock of plastic geese with plastic grocery bags on their heads.
#29. blah.
so that's what i gathered. the common denominators i've found are : geese, squirrels, pine trees, wind chimes, and xmas acoutrement. funny, i have a ceramic goose head hanging in my living room. maybe i should can the xmas act and hang my goose from the siding. or do both!!
the other outdoor theme at central park is white lattice. i'm not sure who started this god-awful trend, but i spotted walls of white lattice outside 19 of the 29 trailers. that's 2/3 of the homes!! my guess is that it happened some time in the seventies. maybe a previous (or current!) smooth talking tenant went door-to-door, describing in great detail how stunning lattice is once foliage and vines take over. evidently the landscaper that planted all of those mini pine trees skipped town on everyone, because the fucking lattice is barren. it's aching to be a support structure for something that grows. it wants vines. badly.
after my stroll, i realized i was out of smokes. on a day like today and in an outfit like this, it was time to take walk up to good ol' 82nd ave. big shocker, i didn't get a single funny look about my sweatpants/ski jacket ensemble. fit right in.
it turns out, in a five minute walk, i have a lot of options. i can stop in for a $25 perm at hi yin hair salon, or wander across the street for live sea urchin at chang fa supermarket. i noticed a rather phallic trend when i saw that hung far low chinese restaurant is the neighbor of vien dong videostore. thank god the store that follows is taboo adult superstore. i almost had to stop in for 4 quarters worth of porn in the jerk-off booth after rounding that corner! fortunately, the thought of that alone was enough to calm me down.
the sun was setting by this point, and my research was complete. i went back to my haven, opened up my bugler, and smoked a well-deserved cigarette.
for starters, i decided i had better take a note book along for the ride. i couldn't figure out how to be sneaky about it. i already look like the court freak with my mostly black wardrobe, which happens to be the same color of the smoke monsters pouring out of my tail pipe every time i pull into my driveway. would i tell someone, should they ask, that i prefer to write in my journal while walking? that most of my inspiration technique is the "walk 5 steps, stop, write, repeat" method? you know, right? my muse is the fresh air, dude.
not gonna work.
the first thing i decided to do was put on a more appropriate outfit. i chose blue sweatpants, red slip-on shoes, and a puffy ski jacket with aforementioned colors. i know! i'll dress like a patriot! perfect.
throwing caution into the wind, i set out into the sunshine hoping people would just pass me off as a crazy person and ignore me. it mostly worked, except that i did pass kathy (smoking a cigarette of course) by the recycling bins. the weather was discussed, and i found out she grows strawberries, magnolias, and fern trees in her "back yard". apparently the folks on the other side of the street have space to do this, which is so not the case on my side. a fucking bonzai tree wouldn't even fit back there.
anyway, i figured listing some of the things i noticed in people's yards would be the best way to describe my walk. i wasn't able to get much considering people might wonder why a spaced-out person wearing way too much blue and red was eyeballing their shit. there are 29 trailers total, and i live in #8. here goes...
#1. vacancy. single wide.
#2. tiny xmas tree with lights.
#3. ceramic chimpanzee holding a banana
6 ceramic squirrels
xmas wreath
#4. ceramic squirrel (another one?!)
#5. blah. boring.
#6. two plastic deer, both turned on their sides- one is decapitated, head next to it
gold cherub fountain
"killer schnauzer on duty" sign
#7. cement plack that reads "if tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, i'd walk
right up to heaven and bring you home again" (perfect for when the killer dog next door
murders your loved one, randy?)
5 windchimes
#8. 8 tiny reindeer (when in rome)
#9. 2 plastic geese
#10. potted pine tree
#11. meh. nothin.
#12. potted pine tree
#13. boring.
#14. "my cat lets me live here" sign
#15. 6 hanging plants
wooden goose plant holder
#16. shit loads of potted fake sunflowers
#17. hot black motorcycle (who are you??)
#18. floor to ceiling plexi-glass front porch
#19. sign with a demonic, grinning bulldog that reads: "neighborhood pub and eatery. where
the drinks are cold and the food is fierce" (hi. i'm lacy. can i come over for dinner?)
#20. xmas icicle lights
#21. 20-25 feet of xmas garland, red bows, and bells.
13 wind chimes
american flag
#22. american flag ( probably this corner would appreciate my outfit the most)
#23. potted ceramic magic mushroom
lady bug flag that says "happy spring" (kathy. probably an ashtray on the porch too)
#24. antenna on roof. looks just like the one in 'back to the future'
#25. 2 potted pine trees (same landscaper as #'s 10 and 12)
#26. vacancy. double wide.
#27. wooden geese.
#28. 9 brightly painted rocks
flock of plastic geese with plastic grocery bags on their heads.
#29. blah.
so that's what i gathered. the common denominators i've found are : geese, squirrels, pine trees, wind chimes, and xmas acoutrement. funny, i have a ceramic goose head hanging in my living room. maybe i should can the xmas act and hang my goose from the siding. or do both!!
the other outdoor theme at central park is white lattice. i'm not sure who started this god-awful trend, but i spotted walls of white lattice outside 19 of the 29 trailers. that's 2/3 of the homes!! my guess is that it happened some time in the seventies. maybe a previous (or current!) smooth talking tenant went door-to-door, describing in great detail how stunning lattice is once foliage and vines take over. evidently the landscaper that planted all of those mini pine trees skipped town on everyone, because the fucking lattice is barren. it's aching to be a support structure for something that grows. it wants vines. badly.
after my stroll, i realized i was out of smokes. on a day like today and in an outfit like this, it was time to take walk up to good ol' 82nd ave. big shocker, i didn't get a single funny look about my sweatpants/ski jacket ensemble. fit right in.
it turns out, in a five minute walk, i have a lot of options. i can stop in for a $25 perm at hi yin hair salon, or wander across the street for live sea urchin at chang fa supermarket. i noticed a rather phallic trend when i saw that hung far low chinese restaurant is the neighbor of vien dong videostore. thank god the store that follows is taboo adult superstore. i almost had to stop in for 4 quarters worth of porn in the jerk-off booth after rounding that corner! fortunately, the thought of that alone was enough to calm me down.
the sun was setting by this point, and my research was complete. i went back to my haven, opened up my bugler, and smoked a well-deserved cigarette.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
happy birthday, happy birthday
i woke up this morning feeling nostalgic and inspired. i think echo and the bunnymen, strong coffee, and a decent bagel will do that to a person.
it's time to describe the first trailer life at 1001 gina place, in sioux falls south dakota. this was my home from 1992 to 1999.
(side note: the lyrics to new order's "age of consent" are so appropriate right n0w)
anyway.
the first thing that comes to mind is cats. my mother and i colllected siamese cats. at one time, we had six different varietals. a blue-point, a seal-point, a chocolate-point, a tonkinese, a silver-point, and a burmese. fucking insane, right? when i was 18 i got a siamese cat tattooed on my left calf as an homage to the clan.
what else...
oh. right.
other collections. let's talk about little black sambo. if you aren't familiar, little black sambo was a children's book character created in the late 1800's. it was popularized later, maybe in the 1930's. the books caused a lot of controversy because the character was a "pickaninny" and the word sambo itself has been used a racial slur. anyway, my mom was obsessed with finding and displaying these books. they were set out like a shrine in our dining room, and when i was in high school i remember my friends would see them and say things like, "dude. is your mom a racist? what the fuck?". trying to explain the collection to people was always difficult, mostly because i was as baffled about the obsession as they were.
it's time to describe the first trailer life at 1001 gina place, in sioux falls south dakota. this was my home from 1992 to 1999.
(side note: the lyrics to new order's "age of consent" are so appropriate right n0w)
anyway.
the first thing that comes to mind is cats. my mother and i colllected siamese cats. at one time, we had six different varietals. a blue-point, a seal-point, a chocolate-point, a tonkinese, a silver-point, and a burmese. fucking insane, right? when i was 18 i got a siamese cat tattooed on my left calf as an homage to the clan.
what else...
oh. right.
other collections. let's talk about little black sambo. if you aren't familiar, little black sambo was a children's book character created in the late 1800's. it was popularized later, maybe in the 1930's. the books caused a lot of controversy because the character was a "pickaninny" and the word sambo itself has been used a racial slur. anyway, my mom was obsessed with finding and displaying these books. they were set out like a shrine in our dining room, and when i was in high school i remember my friends would see them and say things like, "dude. is your mom a racist? what the fuck?". trying to explain the collection to people was always difficult, mostly because i was as baffled about the obsession as they were.
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