ok... here goes...
8:00: check in. the procedure goes the same as the first, except this time i made sure to wear laceless shoes and clothing. lisa is there, which gives me a sigh of relief. she is officially my jail bff.
9:30: unlike last week, we are strip searched and taken to a cell unit several hours before lunch time even happens. it is a different guard, and this one seems far more interested in the moments spent with my ass cheeks spread apart. even lisa noticed the woman "got right up in there". egads. i am not finding it to be nearly as humorous as the week before. i suppose that is the nature of these things.
10:00: lisa and i are placed in cell unit A this week. it has 32 single cells, 4 large tables in the center, and a "day room" with an LCD flat screen television and three round tables- one made less wobbly with a crushed orange peel. there are at least 7 women in the room watching VHI videos. one of them has eyeliner on that appears to have been drawn on with a chubby, dull crayon. it turns out she is withdrawing from heroin, which explains her nickel-slot eyes and lethargic composure. there is another woman who is wearing cute sneakers instead of the standard issued plastic sandals. lisa asks her about this alleged foot-wear privilege, and ends up wishing she had eaten her own sandal when the woman silently lifts the cuffs of her blue scrubs to reveal two silver rods the size of monkey bars, dead ending in the cute sneakers. oops. also in cell unit A are the most corn rows on white women's heads that i have ever seen.
11:00: i meet one of the trustees, who is an inmate given special duties such as serving meals, cell clean-up, and eating at an actual table during meal time as opposed to the rest of us who are forced to eat in our cells, tray in lap. she has two teeth in her mouth- one on the top to the left, and one on the bottom- dead center. she is the most boisterous of the bunch, and speaks fanatically about the importance of the peg-leg lady NOT sharing her vitamin A&D ointment with the other women to soothe their chapped lips. although she has several stories about her man on the outs, her demeanor and swagger are so sapphic it hurts. i'm confused...
11:30-12:30: i curl up with a book entitled "2041"- a collection of "short stories about the future". it turns out this book was written for teenagers, and i finish reading it in thirty minutes. with another hour to kill before lunchtime, i attempt to sleep but am unsuccessful because my bed is completely parallel to the nine story high window overlooking downtown and i am struck with vertigo.
12:30: lunch. in one corner of the tray, there lies a mixture of peas, carrots, and corn- all of which are so dry they might as well be packaged for astronauts. also on the tray are watery canned beans that are so awful i can barely swallow them. in the main compartment lies a small portion of rotini- also space-food quality in dryness accompanied by a sauce that resembles sloppy joe filling. we are given a styrofoam cup filled with pink liquid that tastes exactly the kool-aid i would make as a child when the cupboards had no sugar. the only redeeming quality to the meal is a wheat roll with butter. there is an orange as well, which i save for later.
1:00: "walk time". this is what it's called when we are released from our cell blocks in to the main unit. i settle in a chair in the day room and watch an episode of maury povich-the subject being "he's my fiance now...he's not your baby's daddy". (no joke). i engage in debate with some of the other inmates in a discussion about whether or not the guests are paid to behave in such an obnoxious manner, which i believe to be true. my theory is outnumbered unanimously. i suppose this makes sense considering the context...
2:40: at this point i am experiencing hideous nicotine withdrawals. my solution is to turn my cell block in to a work-out room. i tie my t-shirt to the side, jennifer beals "flashdance" style, and proceed to do every floor and cardio routine i can remember- most of which are inspired by the richard simmons tape i watched as a twelve year old.
4:00: more walk time. i hear a discussion about something called pruno, which is jail moonshine made by saving bread and oranges for weeks on end until it ferments and turns into alcohol. we watch two episodes of "everybody hates chris", and by this point i am so fucking tired of watching television in hard plastic chairs that i want to claw my eyeballs out of my head.
6:00: dinner. we are served black-eyed peas with ham and a side of white rice. honestly, the flavor is pretty tolerable. i had coleslaw and cornbread on the plate, but i passed it to lisa because her vegetarianism limits her intake of food and i do not want her to starve.
8:00: walk time again. this time we watch "the color purple". there is a scene where whoopie goldberg's character kisses another woman. i fully expected the women in the room to shout homophobic remarks, but was pleasantly surprised to hear them rooting whoopie on! shocking..
10:00: bedtime. for hours on end, i toss and turn in hopes of hearing my name called for release at some point in the middle of the night. as the hours pass, i realize (through a toilet discussion with lisa in the next cell) that the sun is coming up and WE ARE STILL IN HERE!! by this point, i am craving a cigarette so badly that my stomach and lungs are writhing in agony.
7:30: breakfast. oh my god. we're still in jail, and i am completely shocked when i lay my eyes on the tray of food in front of me. there is a pile of something that looks like white gruel. i'm guessing it's supposed to be grits, but the consistency is more like a person's nasal mucus after a week long sinus infection starts to clear up. there is also a large rectangle of what might be a biscuit, covered with something that i could can only describe as ham glue. the potatoes are like white pieces of cardboard and taste like stale air. it is horrifying, and by this point i am soooo over being in jail that every second feels like ten hours.
10:30: lisa and i are FINALLY released. we walk to the nearest coffee shop downtown and buy large, strong coffees. when my ride arrives, i am finally given a cigarette, which tastes like heaven. the conclusion after this visit in the slammer: i don't ever want to have to spend an extended period of time in jail. whatever i have to do to maintain my probation i will do. if it means not consuming a drop of alcohol, i will do it. it just isn't worth it. hopefully my next stint will be more tolerable...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment